How to Embrace Vulnerability and Improve Your Writing

A fear of being vulnerable blocks many people from pursuing their desire to write. The idea of exposing yourself — your imagination, your flaws, opinions, ideas, and private thoughts — can be terrifying. But learning to embrace vulnerability can improve your writing. Roughly 15 million American adults experience some kind of social anxiety, yet most people who feel the urge to write share a desire for connection. And if we want connection, we must risk vulnerability.

Signs that fear of vulnerability might stand between you and your desire to write

• You’re closed off from most people.
• You work hard to maintain a certain image on social media or in social circles.
• You are easily embarrassed.
• You rarely share your missteps or failings, even with your closest friends or loved ones.

What fear of vulnerability looks like in writing

• The writing is stilted or flat.
• In fiction: bad things almost happen but never actually do; there’s very little conflict; or the writer tells about difficulties but rarely shows the characters experiencing them.
• In nonfiction: the writer hides behind facts and statistics, seldom owns their authority, and doesn’t take a stand or state a firm opinion.

How to embrace vulnerability

Think of the friend whose home you’re most comfortable visiting. Think of the friend you’d actually invite over when your house is a mess. Is it the one with the perfectly staged home, or the one who lets you see her dust bunnies and her sink full of dishes? Scroll through your social media: who are your favorite personalities? The perfect ones, or the ones who’ve shown you who they really are, behind the scenes, without makeup?

I can’t remember ever hearing someone say, “I just love her, she’s so perfect and never makes a mistake, she’s so relatable.” We connect to others through their flaws and imperfections. We’re drawn to writers who are raw and honest, and we read books and watch movies that are raw and honest, because we can relate.

Our vulnerable parts are the parts that are most relatable.

So if you feel an urge to write but something is stopping you, consider whether a fear of vulnerability might be the culprit. Then think of the person who is waiting for you to write the thing that makes them say: “Oh my gosh. I’m so glad I’m not alone.”